The Desire to be Heard, but Never to be (poem)

Assalamu Alaikum! Instead of writing a typical blog post, I thought I'd share a poem I wrote recently! It's kind of sad... so if you're in a good mood and you don't want anything to bring you down, than maybe you should save this for later.
This poem reflects feelings and thoughts I go through everyday, even when I'm having an awesome one, because the things that make me happy in life are almost never consistent, and I know it's all so fleeting. So, here it is:

The Desire to be Heard, but Never to be

For someone who knows nothing about me,
the weight of my sorrows is too much to bear.
But, oh! how I long to jump at the opportunity!
To confide, to reveal, to speak the truth!

But in spite of all the efforts I make,
to sum up these complicated feelings into words,
it will all be in vain...

You felt obliged to say something when you noticed
the gloomy, depressed aura around me.
However, when you hear my reply
you are taken aback and overwhelmed.
When you hear my true, and intimate thoughts and woes.

So I keep to myself, knowing there is no one to confide in among the many I am acquainted.
Yes, acquainted... but not befriended.


Nur Sham

Well, hope you enjoyed that! ;)

What is Kindness?

Assalamu Alaikum. At my school there's this thing going on about kindness and appreciation. It's kind of like a mini event that goes on that people don't bother to mention. During lunch, I passed by a table in the hall occupied by a few students, who offered me a chocolate kiss if I answered one of the questions from the given list. Some of those questions were "What is kindness?", "What is appreciation?", "Who is your role model?", "What makes you happy?", and "Describe a time when you felt accepted". The chocolate didn't motivate me, I was just happy to give my input and to know that this colourful piece of paper was going up on the bill board, for others to read. I decided to answer the question, "What is kindness?" with a response that sounded something like this: "Kindness is being full of mercy and doing nice things for others". One of my classes also asked us to answer one of the question as well, so I picked "Describe a time when you felt accepted". I wrote something like this: "I felt accepted when people talked to me like they've already known me for a long time. When we talk, it feels like race, gender, religion, and social status do not exist". I love passing by that board in the hall, because some answers are uplifting and some, funny. Some of the role models mentioned are "Batman", "Spiderman", a friends name or some other person I do not know about. For things that make you happy, one of the answers was "Netflix". Lol, but kind of sad at the same time. I loved doing this exercise. I think it's something all schools should offer. To wrap up, I just wanted to share a picture quote about kindness. Thanks for reading! Don't forget to let me know you're still alive and well, ok?

Sincerely, Nur

That Mozlem Girl

Hi. I'm the young muslim girl in the shoe who had so many siblings, she didn't know what to do. I'm also a senior high school student living in a non-Islamic society—which I find to be the greatest struggle (jihad) of my life.

I was recently asked to give a speech in front of a class room full of people who decided to come to the First Nations meeting at my school about Islam, the niqab, my family, and Harper (this happened before the elections had taken place in Canada). One of the things I was asked which I wish I could have answered differently was "What's the hardest thing about being muslim?"

I only had a day's notice before my speech and I had no practice time. What I said was: "Being different. Standing out everyday with no one to walk along side you. If you're different because you're gay or something, that doesn't really show on the outside and nobody really questions it nowadays, anyway. So those people aren't really rejected by society like Muslims are."

After thinking about it, I think what's even harder to deal with, is social exclusion and dealing with the way people treat you. I'm actually half white, born in Canada, English is my first language and I don't speak a different language at home, I don't have an accent whatsoever, and I have pretty much the same culture as everybody else. However, people treat me like I'm a fob sometimes and this one guy actually assumed I was from a middle eastern country that was being bombed, even though I just told him my father was from Malaysia. Another guy assumed that I was Arab because I wore the hijab or khimar and thought that my outfit must too be from the middle East — when I was wearing the most North American outfit I owned. When that had happened to me, a native girl was with me and I told that guy straight out that I was wearing essentially, "white man's clothes". My native friend started laughing her head off! She was holding herself while covering her mouth. After he left, she said, "I can't believe you said that to him! 'White man's clothes!' " I told her I just told him like it was. The same way any other white girl would say that.

Also, people like to give me the once-over, and every time I walk into a room full of people, it's like the record stopped playing.

I've been going to this new school for a semester and a half, and still I don't have a real friend that I can confide in.

Sporadically, I get these series of words that just flood my thoughts and if I don't write them down right away, then I'll forget them. Triggered by strong sentiments of agitation towards the selfish and disrespectful behaviour I face everyday, here is what I came up with:

"So I'm not even human, eh? I have no feelings, dreams, hobbies, or even a mind?

I'm just an empty shell for you to fill up with all your selfish talk, and seen as an exotic zoo animal with no name to my face."

It's amazing how many pointless names I know, yet I find out some of the people I've known for a little bit didn't even know mine. I know their interests, hobbies and who they hang around. But I don't think people know anything about me unless it was from that Islamic presentation I was asked to do or from the daily question my English teacher asks us during attendance. I'm just that Mozlem girl.